| long time once more... |
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| 09:39pm 04/09/2003 |
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ah journalerriffic.
words on pages, white on black. been long long time.
/me compiles sound modules.
Djdemocracy is coming, leigh is gonna help with teh server (seemingly) w00tness. so many machines all hard at w0rk doin very little atm. adsl routing. w00t adsl.
ooh stage fright. its a wonderful excitin conversation.
ppls around, not at sams! shock.
every1 but gav has moved out, who has moved in *sigh*
so yeah
its me
no leniness atm, shall happen on the morrow.
leniness.
strange how the things change. meh. this isnt goin quite how i hoped, wanted 2 write how i used 2 write... kinda like what i write when down.
DUUUUH DUUH, DUUUH DUUUH
mogwai. teeth clenchingly great.
everyone is gonna go... kinda sucks a little
/me remembers.
much.
neway. might write more later, sense of purpose or sumthng. |
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(9 bored peopleses. | Bored?) |
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| 11:41pm 15/06/2003 |
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/me reads "event:"
pah.
i wonder if i can make my own client where its more accurate and says "stuff"
suddenly all desire 2 write in here left. dumb brain.
i.
random downer.
feel like crying, theres kinda sumthin inside recently, been locked up 2 long
i dont want 2 talk 2 u. talk about sumthin inane. grrr.
(u is more certainly not leni, every1 but leni)
stuff is inside, well. very little is inside. just a little downess inside
oh joy! heavenly joy!
jordan has decided 2 talk 2 me! elsa + jordan together 6 months? wtf? so thats like seeing each other once a month on average?
need sum time with leni, such an amount that every second isnt a second less left.
i wanna be a loner. wanna be me dammit.
i want leni.
"u can get it if u really want it" /me thinks w0rld of future.
so what is it i really want? |
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(3 bored peopleses. | Bored?) |
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| Leni. |
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| 12:45am 07/04/2003 |
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subject: leni.
ti covers it.
no typos.
not really much reason 2 write, im not depressed. im not even unhappy.
leni.
"count the stars in the sky" im really not so g00d at words. and.
i dont really understand how goes what for her. open until needs 2 b, then locks.
nm is urs but im not allowed it :s
none of this matters.
everything is quite simple really.
my side.
of course other ppl exist. bjillions. elsa specific. :S shes not g00d, im sure that reminds u everything,
tony :S urgle. petty ealousy. suppose it reaffirms above.
/my/ leni dammit.
fi |
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(14 bored peopleses. | Bored?) |
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| long time no entry. |
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| 11:39pm 06/02/2003 |
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or probably not. i forget such things. tend 2 post when i dont remember doin it.
my room kinda smells of mince. not so pleasant, even the incense isnt gettin rid off it. cud always move the plate i suppose. dont think it really matters. this is a truly pointless excercise. no1 reads this thing, i cant find elsas diary.
*sigh*
cutters.
/me goes and gets knife.
things which i dont understand. argh. deep down sadness. or do i just want there 2 be, theres sumthin so wrong sumwhere. not really thatttttsure where. typoriffic. bizzare things appeal.
just wanna cry for an hour or 2 but i cant. forgotten? pah.
sounds good.
not really true tho, definetely lost that part.
meh.
/me hits button. once iv posted theres not much else left 2 do 2night. email leni sum crap. make mindless post.. talk 2 resque.
/me gives in. |
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(2 bored peopleses. | Bored?) |
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| melting pot |
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| 10:14pm 13/10/2002 |
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hope it went great, imaginin u sittin up flytower, dont bother replyin - figure ur either still busy or so very tired. *hugs*
send it? |
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(Bored?) |
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| meh. as ever, recurring title... (recutting?) |
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| 08:09pm 19/09/2002 |
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mood:  apathetic
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games aint games with ppl...
ppl suck ass the most ignorant and simplistic can show u more about urself than the wisest. u just gotta look. what a load of big smelly crap. eloquence and elegance abreviated 2 2 simple fuckin words. fuck it.,
*sigh*
so much crap. so many purty pictures, literatry games as the happy medium for fucked up emotional teenage games. u dont play with sum things. im sure of this. i am who i am, can hide as sum1 else but its never a good idfea. i aint no12 else. im not utterly convinced im myself yet.,
I want ur soul!?
shit music.
i own urs.
proably.
i own most of ur souls... ne1 wanna start a bidding war?
i suck. |
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(Bored?) |
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| nothin 2 do but write |
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| 11:49pm 17/09/2002 |
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no1 2 write 2, probably stretch the worlds patience enuff.
why hello there, not hyullo. not this time.
perhaps ill post this on rahfish, it isnt even in existence yet but im sure it goin sumwhere will define it oh so much better.
wonder how many ppl hav lost interest and gone sumwhere else already?
*sigh*
theres a meism. probablty oughta kill em all. perhaps ride the lightnin is more apt, or then again. oh dear, we'v dropped 2 train of thought writing, expecvt boredom, random topics changes and young without yout.
yeah so that was deliberate. deliberate randomness is best avoided... strange how sum things are only of value and worth if they arent deliberate, surely delibration wud show an additional willingness nad purpose behind them? perhaps thats the point...
but then that in itself is nought but an easy get out clause from talkin crap.
so much junk most of it easily ignored and rightly so. but never let it get u.
damn u world and ur delightful shields, never let ne1 see u, hide behind things, b an arsehole, b cool, b mint, b sumthin, b anything, b other things so i can write b sum more,.
byt ever just b?
nah. dont think so. imagine how hurt there is in just being u... bein see for all u are, rejection of that is rejection of everything..
if u cud figure urself out u might b able 2 tailor it all.... kno u 2 kno th enemy. the enemy is within etc.
nope. not stoned. ur wrong. sod off
more cnadles more fire more purty light. very imortant.
i just sent a picture of a very badly drawn daisy out into the world. im not sure why, i kno even moreso the recipient wont. meh meh meh.
i dont think ill try and assign it meanin and reasonngin. there was none i kno, perhaps they can... well they will come up with reasongin and delightful chocolate flavoured icing. why do iu decipher what i write rather than just readin it? it wud b all so much more simple.
supersilious in a box. oh how i kidna like the phrase in a box. misery in a box.
like a childs toy only gone horribly horrible wrong. turn the handle and out pops despair. ffs. i think i t wud reach watchdog pretty soon... one can hope. so much stuff 2 pour onto keyboard, it gunges up all the keys and makes the typin wrong, the words screw up and everything turns into cat print writing.
i thought sumthin bad happened 2 my cat. was barkin and meowinng and hissin and stuff outside.. then it all went quiey. then cat cryin sounds... then after 20 mins or so nothing at all.
stupid cat.
came back after a while.
i really havent decided how i fel about damned pets. annoying at times, shudnt become so attached. its upsetting... what was i sayin about openess and that bein cut up was worth it. (well i never actually came 2 that punchline but it wasnt infereed... and perhaps i knew this part was comin up.)
hm...
psychic powerrs wud b handy. i wonder if theres a way of writing iwithout gettin allwrapped up in the logical progression of what ur sayin? i suppose re-readin works like that, u hav at least a vague idea of whats coming up in the next excitin installment.
corn flakes, or possibly even special K. that'll show us the way 2 salvation. its just not cool 2 refer 2 the simpsons., not if ne1 notices neway. need more cool references. symthin obscure that maybe 3 ppl hav avguely heard of and think they can get around and prove utter understanding so as 2 improve their own qota.
my schemas are broken. i need a accountant or at least sum kinda bean counter. sleepy now.
does anybody ever get the amazin telescopic eye thing? where sleeptness makes everything appear absolutely huge...
its kinda cool. makes everythin happily less real.
rl bites.
yeah.
ok. nuff ramblings now. hav a pleasant whatever it is u guys do. |
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(1 bored peopleses. | Bored?) |
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| ... |
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| 11:07pm 09/09/2002 |
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i know, maybe nothing more needs to be said, we understand we are at different stages and thats enoufh, we jsut need to work through it
friendships are werid things you know
the strongest ones are when you realise that they are up and down, more relevant sometimes, drieft and come back
once you get to grips with that its all ok
havent spoken to gems in three weeks, on phone we are best buddies again, we can be like that too, just need to appreciate that we have different lifes
hav u ever ever ever actually listened 2 me? do u even kno who i am? do u remember what iv said 2 u?
so damn self satisfied, so confident. Searching for sum1 ull just explain away. i wanna scream go leave me, i want u 2 stay forever. |
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(Bored?) |
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| ... |
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| 11:07pm 09/09/2002 |
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i know, maybe nothing more needs to be said, we understand we are at different stages and thats enoufh, we jsut need to work through it
friendships are werid things you know
the strongest ones are when you realise that they are up and down, more relevant sometimes, drieft and come back
once you get to grips with that its all ok
havent spoken to gems in three weeks, on phone we are best buddies again, we can be like that too, just need to appreciate that we have different lifes
hav u ever ever ever actually listened 2 me? do u even kno who i am? do u remember what iv said 2 u?
so damn self satisfied, so confident. Searching for sum1 ull just explain away. i wanna scream go leave me, i want u 2 stay forever. |
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(Bored?) |
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| wtF? |
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| 03:39pm 01/09/2002 |
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figure id start writin again, sudden mood swings atm but thats not that much different from usual.
happy welcomin msg of "rahfish is down" when i woke up *sigh* . forester goes on to tell me we'v had a hard drive crash. Bugger. melting pot was hosted there as well.
so a place-holder for rahfish has been thrown up as has the entire melting pot at blackroses.
ok faery nuff u might think.. x months of rahfish gone forever.. oh well what can u do?
but... i c if i can FTP in for a laugh and what do i find? everything! meh. forester is playin silly buggers or has just restored from backups he said he didnt hav.. if so why no webserver? :-s sumthing is definetely up.
anyway.
will wite a genuine diary entry soon.. actually about me or sumthin. (tho thats probablty far less interestin) |
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(Bored?) |
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| grr. |
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| 11:58pm 02/08/2002 |
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another good female friend.
/me bangs head of wall :-(
smokin. drinkin, everythin but thinkin. |
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(Bored?) |
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| meh |
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| 11:07pm 14/07/2002 |
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u jerk. why cant u just be u. |
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(Bored?) |
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| .... |
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| 11:34pm 05/07/2002 |
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sumtimes i think theres sumthin wrong with me. i just wish u cud want too fix it.
thats it. |
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(Bored?) |
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| 10:28pm 04/07/2002 |
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i dont think many people read this. Im not sure anyone does anymore for that matter. Please stop bein a bystander. this isnt just crappy txt (sum of the time) join community. it does hav a meanin even if its just crap atm. I wan sumwhere 2 live. htp://rahfish.genesis.mine.nu
*sigh* |
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(Bored?) |
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| rah kappow. |
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| 10:09pm 20/06/2002 |
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i wrote a reasonable long entry. i think it even had sum meaningful points in it (feh) . i wasnt feelin so great.
but now its gone. forever. lost in the upload process.
was feelin bad..
am feelin good now. decided right 2 phone becca, she cheered me up (of course)
i dont feel like recountin dull events of life recently. lookin 4ward 2 college... thats gonna rock :-)
i hope. |
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(Bored?) |
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| o k |
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| 09:38pm 03/06/2002 |
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phil collins, michael kamen, cliff richard, brian may and sclub 7 on stage at the same time. and then closely followed by ozzy and iommi. Serious kit spotting event (if ur as sad as me) stagehands wheel on pair of stacks...
kinda half hearted clapping... and then WOOOOOOO on the word ozzy :-) thats what we need. *sigh*
more shoddy music undoubtedly. need real stuff.
bizarre chaos... strange show this is. only person who isnt there seems 2 b the queen. probably hidin in a cupboard sumwhere. or sumthin. brian wilson seems as tho hes just been wheeled on. strange...
neway. another non productive entry. will get round 2 sum thinkin soon. most thoughts arent writeable kindathings.. not that they r bad, just.
meh. |
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(Bored?) |
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| gjhb |
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| 12:24am 03/06/2002 |
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tired. no entry really forthcomin so dont get excited.
http://www23.brinkster.com/medgooroo if ur bored. latest project.
real important things in life are really just the way they are. rememberin 2 average thnings, not dwell on selected points. havent reallay slept in long time. soon put that right.
im gone |
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(Bored?) |
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| just an entry. |
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| 01:42am 30/05/2002 |
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dont feel like goin into long and deep discussion about me atm. complicated stuff that achieves very little.
just thought id share the fact that its approachin 2 am and im watchin a repeat of the eurovision song contest. does life get any better? :-D
oh, suggestions welcome:
work in progress |
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(1 bored peopleses. | Bored?) |
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cabbageofdoom's journal